Oh My Goodness

People keep asking me if my boys are jealous of Megan...I tell them no.  I really don't think that they are jealous of her or that they act up because of her...or even any negative effects of them because of her.  Now that being said, I have been having a VERY hard time with my patience with my boys.  They just don't listen to me.  Or they listen to me, but they choose not to do what I tell them.  Josh is the worst with this.  I try to tell myself that Josh is only two and that I need to be more patient with him, but I am not very good at remembering that.  

It seems to be the worst when I am feeding or holding Megan.  They seem to know that I can't do anything to make them do what I am telling them, so they just choose not to listen.  So poor Megan hears me yell a lot at Tyler and Josh...I mean WAY TOO MUCH.  When I am calm I say I need to chill out and not freak out so much, but then after I ask the boys two, three, four times nicely to do something (or not do something) and they still don't listen...chilling out is just not in the cards.  

Why is it that children listen when you yell at them and not when you just ask them nicely.  I try very hard to say please and thank you (I expect my kids to say these things so I want to be a good example) but those words don't seem to work.  Maybe my boys think that if I say it nicely it is more of a suggestion and they can choose whether they can listen or not.  

So what do I do?  I am so so so tired of yelling.  I am tired of putting my kids in time out and fighting with them so much.  I realize that I am super hormonal and that once all these hormones work their way out of my system I should be more patient and such, but oh my goodness who knows when that will be.  

I want to be a good mom.  I want my kids to be good kids and not screwed up because their mom is a crazy lady.  Josh is the hardest.  He is very physical and doesn't seem to know when he's gone too far.  Tyler has been hard because he has started to back talk me.  He tries to tell me what I can and cannot do and then he acts like he knows more then I do.  Between the two of them, it can be very frustrating.  

Megan is generally very good...but she likes to be held...a lot.  Holding her isn't a problem if nothing else needs to be done and the boys are behaving well.  I am just adjusting to everything...and I guess so are the boys.  I guess we are ALL just trying to figure out our new family dynamic and where we all fit in.  Heaven help us all, especially me to be more patient, loving, and understanding.