What to say?

I am sitting here watching the Olympics and wondering what I should say. What am I thinking about? I am tired..and a little lonely. Tony is working evenings this week again and I always get lonely when he's on the late shift. Both boys are in bed (thank goodness). While I was trying to put Tyler to bed Josh started crying in the swing, so I had to cut our time short. Tyler did not like that and started crying. So I let him come out and sit on the couch until I put Josh down. Tyler was so tired that he fell asleep on the couch. I was happy about that. Then I put Josh down in his bed, awake, and he talked/whined himself to sleep. This is something that I never did with Tyler, which is partly why he is a bad sleeper. Josh is a great sleeper and we are so blessed to have him.

Do you ever want something really bad, but it just seems so hard to have it? I am feeling like that a little bit these days. I get into these ruts about working out and/or eating right and then I think, "Why should I even bother?...I have so far to go...it is just too hard...it is too over whelming." I have never really felt like this before, it is weird, and a little depressing. I am just trying to figure out what will work for me. Tony changes just a couple little things (like not drinking a gallon of chocolate milk a day) and he has already lost 16 pounds since the beginning of the year. I am happy for him, but that depresses me. I will work out hard and really do good on eating and I have a hard time losing a couple pounds...but I can gain a couple pounds with no problem. I don't know...it is something that I will probably struggle with my whole life...that really sucks.

I am really blessed! If my main problem is that I am overweight, then I am doing pretty darn good. Even for being heavy, I don't have any big health problems or too many limitations. I have a great husband, two awesome boys, a cute little clean house, the best job a mom could have, good friends, great in-laws, and a fabulous extended family. We definitely aren't rich, but we make enough to live comfortably and enjoy life. The church is true and our testimonies are strong. I really am blessed.